If you want peo­ple to know where you draw the line, then you need to learn to set bound­aries.  With­out bound­aries, rela­tion­ships in busi­ness and in our per­son­al lives can­not func­tion well.

Forc­ing peo­ple to make their prob­lems our own is a sub­tle form of manip­u­la­tion.  I do not want to dis­cour­age any­one from help­ing oth­ers, but I am say­ing that we should try not to rob peo­ple of their prob­lems.

Accord­ing to Greg McK­e­own, author of Essen­tial­ism, “We should serve, and love and make a dif­fer­ence in the lives of oth­ers, of course.  But when we make their prob­lem our prob­lem, we aren’t help­ing them; we are enabling them.  Once we take their prob­lem from them, all we are doing is tak­ing their abil­i­ty to solve it.”

So when you find your­self wor­ry­ing, fret­ting and exert­ing your ener­gies to keep “them” going, as it turns out, they no longer have the prob­lem because you have tak­en it from them and made it yours.

“Forc­ing peo­ple to solve their own prob­lems is equal­ly ben­e­fi­cial for you and for them.”

Bound­aries are Essen­tial

Demar­cate what’s off lim­its and do so in advance.  Mon­ey and time should be equal­ly impor­tant.  Don’t let any­one take either for their sole ben­e­fit.  This is true in every area of life, includ­ing and spe­cial­ly in our jobs.

What would your boss say if you brought your chil­dren to work on Mon­day or any day of the week that you are required to work?  Think about this for a moment.

If you can’t bring your chil­dren to work on Mon­day, then why should you be expect­ed to bring work home with you on a Sat­ur­day or Sun­day?

“No is a com­plete sen­tence.” Anne Lam­ott

Set Bound­aries.  Set them Ear­ly.

For bound­aries are, “a lit­tle like walls in a sand­cas­tle, the sec­ond we let one fall over, the rest of them come crash­ing down.”